i feel incomplete and i don't know why. for some reason today i kept looking down to my wrist thinking i had scars and just pulling at my long sleeve shirt. i think i secretly wish i had the scars left.
why does wanting to give take over my way of thinking? it sucks. i've gone periods of time without cutting -- make it a year and 2 days once and never had these thoughts/feelings.
it's like i'm obsessed with the idea of cutting. it's in the thoughts and everywhere i look.
i realized last night that it wouldn't matter to anyone if i cut or not. i'm in this battle alone.
i do wish that some of my friends would be there for me when i need to talk like i am always there for them. =o/
tomorrow is my job interview & i'm nervous as hell.
the part that sucks the most -- i can't get my legs to stop shaking. *sigh*
am i the only one who gets the shakes when they have the urge to cut?
4 comments:
You are NOT in the battle alone. And, yes it would matter to someone. I think it would probably matter to more people than you think. But, I do understand that feeling of aloneness; sometimes I feel that way too, like no one really understand you. But, you know what, even if you don't have any other person, (which I don't believe is true, try to reach out) email me, I'm struggling too. You are NOT alone. No one is, there are so many more like us.
Faith Hoffen
I truly do believe that self-injury is an addiction, just like alcohol or drugs can be addictive.
I consciously made the decision to stop cutting about four years ago, but it's never left my mind. I've had several relapses and have not cut in a year, but it still jumps into my thoughts when things go wrong or when I feel down.
I agree with Faith. I think that it would matter to more people than you think. I know how it feels to feel alone, and I just want you to know that you are not alone.
I love you and I am here for you.
Thank you. I'm seriously tearing up reading the comments you guys left. Thank you.
I have never cut myself and, to be honest, I don't understand it, but we all have self-destructive things that we do when we are stressed or when we feel alone. I usually do the obvious -- smoke, drink, or overeat. I want to hurt myself sometimes, but don't think I would have the courage to cut myself. I would think, for you, the very same destructive courage that it takes to cut yourself could be turned into a positive courage for something beneficial. I hope you can find that "something". Re: the shaking. I always shake when I do something that I know is bad for me or that I shouldn't be doing.
Hang in there. There are many of us out here who are struggling and who care.
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