Confussion

Confussion is all around me. Lately I've just been really confused with everyone.

I'm here trying to make everything sound clear but, everything is all jumbled up. The first thing I'm trying to figure out is who I want to be with. I have feelings for my best friend and that's a girl. She knows these feelings because I've had feelings for her since college. We've kissed but, that's it. But, she knows that I want more. She right now lives in a different state but, we talk about doing things a lot. She wants me to visit her and stuff. I've even considered moving to the same state as her. There is something about her that I love. I just don't know what it is.

But, on the other hand. I eventually want to be married and have a family. And I want to marry a guy. But, the only time I've done anything with a guy I had to think of my friend to get off. Maybe it was because I wasn't feeling the guy but, I'm not sure.

Everything is mixed up. Thinking about this all the time my heart is racing and I feel like crying. Shit, I even feel like cutting but, I'm not going to. I'm just going to write what I'm feeling.

How am I suppose to know what I'm suppose to do when right now the only thing I want to do is grab my friend close, kiss her and make love to her. =o/

I just don't know anymore... Probally not going to get any help because who is actually reading this?