Update

It's been a while since I last wrote in here. Not like anyone is reading this...

I made it to the one year mark but, for the past 4 weeks thought about giving in EVERYDAY. I don't even want to get out of bed to go to work. It seems to be getting harder each day.

This year is especially hard because I lost two of my Grandparents this year. One I had a breakdown when I got home from because I would have to see my father at the wake/funeral. I chose not to go. I just couldn't handle it. Just thinking about having to see my father gives me the shakes.

Lets see what else... I feel like I'm losing my mind because no one understands me. I feel like I'm alone 24/7 with all these thoughts that are running through my mind.

Isn't it suppose to be easier as time goes by?
Why do I keep having these urges- one worse than the next?

It sucks to be alone.
I don't know how much more of this I can take and I learned the hard way that I can't watch Celebrity Rehab because it's causes too many triggers for me. Each time they talk about physical abuse by a father the urges come in stronger.

It's pathetic that I'm almost 26 and still have these issues.
Why can't I be normal?!?!